So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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