Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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