Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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