I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
