Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
