DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
