you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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