I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
