it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
