According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
