it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
