Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
