I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How external is "for external use only"?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
