I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
