How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize