is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize