I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
