If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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