omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
