Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
