She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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