If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
