I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
