i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
