I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
