i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
