My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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