You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
