Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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