He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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