i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
