God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
