I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
