haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
