I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
