Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
