You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
