apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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