so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
