And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
