Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
