he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
