you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize