i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
