laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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