I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
