the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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