O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
