having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
