I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
