yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
