she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
