and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
