guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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