How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
