why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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