This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
