i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
