I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
