i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
