I haven't been this sober since birth.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
