I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
