Plan B is the new Plan A
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
