We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize