I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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