im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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