i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
