If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Welp...herpes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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