Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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