dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What a dumb baby whore.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
