I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
